Of Self-control And Self-preservation

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.
Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one. (Closer, 2004)

I've had those lines in my head during the last few weeks. I'm like Alice (not in the beautiful and charming kinda way, of course). I believe I can point out the exact moment when -aware of the situation- I chose to enter certain paths even knowing that it won't be the smartest choice.

¨On an autumn day I met her first and knew
That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue;
I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way,
And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day.¨ (Patrick Kavanagh)

Aparently this is a pattern we're doomed to follow.
It seems contradictory the fact that we see the ¨Danger¨ sign and yet we walk straight to it, so I began to question myself (or humanity, for that matter). Is it worth? All the aftermath-pain (or grief), I mean?

Right now I'm more into the Alice's philosophy. I think I'm in control, I try to stay alert, so for that in the brief period that this enchanted way still warms my heart (before smashing and burning it with no compassion whatsoever) then why don't I just embrace the oportunity and flatter myself into believing in those instants of happiness? I'm not saying I walk pass the sign though. I just stay close enough to feel the heat (valga la redondancia).

Crap. I hope I'm right when I say I'm in control. Because if I'm not, and this is nothing more than a self-preservation instinct of mine that's protecting me from the inminent realization that my heart las long gone, then I'm ¨royally screwed¨ (as a friend of mine always says) and what comes next won't be pretty. At all.

Before I go to sleep, I just wanna let you rest also, because the answer to my questions tonight will be answered only by me -I'm sure- in the next couple of weeks. Am I already screwed? if so: Was it worth it?... So, good night, dear Void.